Britain has voted decisively for incoherence, and we need to pull together to deliver it


Star Rising

Our star is rising

The nation has spoken, and  after a festival of democracy the whathefuxit camp has a clear mandate to forge a new, less comprehensible Britain


If EU leave me now, you take away the Brexit part of me

The British public has spoken in a clear, unequivocal voice that must be heeded by those in power. The nation is sick of experts with their facts and analysis; it has had enough of leaders with their detailed plans for what to do when things occur; it is fed up of so-called ‘reality’ and giving up its freedom to the laws of causality: the UK wants to take back shambolic, delusional ineptitude and wants it now.

The hummus-munchers of Islington may not like it, but the winds of change are blowing and new leaders like Etonian Boris, former Times and Spectator journalist Gove and investment banker Farage are the face of a new, anti-establishment Britain that won’t take no, yes or even maybe for an answer.

The Labour Party is leading the way, its MPs striking a blow for bewilderment by moving to axe Jeremy Corbyn, blaming his equivocal views on Europe for single-handedly dragging the country into Brexit. You can see their point – with a possible snap election in the offing, the last thing Labour want is to put a Eurosceptic leader in front of a Eurosceptic public and risk increasing vote share. Moreover, with the Tories in crisis following the resignation of David Cameron, Labour must quickly follow suit or risk being seen as out of touch with the political currents of the time.

Thankfully the Conservatives are demonstrating that their finger is also firmly on the pulse of the nation. Boris Johnson has moved swiftly and decisively to implement his comprehensive one-point plan by declaring for the Tory leadership running from the almighty mess he’s made while insisting, quite correctly, that just because the UK voted to leave the EU, it doesn’t mean we should invoke Article 50 now or, indeed, ever. He has used our vastly improved negotiating position to demand that Britain be allowed to stay in the common market while not allowing free movement or fulfilling any obligations towards the other member states, confounding the Eurocrats who are struggling to keep up with such agile thinking.


No Bregrets

Of course, there are some flies in the ointment. The Scots and the Northern Irish are refusing to accept the democratic will of the English people and insisting that because they are nations in their own right and they voted overwhelmingly to remain, they should not be dragged out of the EU against their will. At a time when the Pound is plummeting, the markets are in chaos and racist incidents are on the rise, their arrogance beggars belief. Now is the time for us all to pull together, not to arbitrarily leave political and economic unions that underpin our security and economic stability.

There are also some who voted to leave that are now claiming they were duped. Some of these so-called Bregretters claim they were promised the £350m a week the UK sends to the EU would be spent on saving the NHS from Tory cuts, others that they were promised an end to migration, especially from Muslim countries. Neither claim stacks up: the £350m figure is sheer fantasy, plucked from thin air and no promises were made about immigration. After all, there isn’t a single Muslim country in the EU, so why would anyone have promised that leaving would prevent hordes of ISIS refujihadis coming here?

Bus promise

These faked images have been circulated on social media, probably by ISIS


There are also claims that Brexit has given a green light to racists to attack and abuse immigrants. These claims are patently false, backed only by eyewitness testimony (which is intrinsically biased) and mobile phone footage. There is no evidence that these supposed attacks haven’t been staged as false flags by embittered remainers, and even if some of them did genuinely occur, there is a huge logical leap between someone yelling ‘Go home, we voted for you to leave’ and assuming that such attacks were caused by the referendum.

The idea that it was only racists that voted to leave is further confounded by the fact that many Muslims and Asians voted for Brexit. Their thinking was simple, with European migrants gone, the door would open to commonwealth countries. And they are absolutely correct, we will welcome New Zealanders, Canadians, Australians and Bermudans with open arms to do the jobs that British workers just don’t have the skills for.

And then, of course, there is Jeremy. He and his tiny band of 200,000 supporters have shown utter contempt for the ordinary, hard-working MPs who voted overwhelmingly to get rid of him and whose daily struggles they clearly do not understand. Even worse, when the country needs stability and strong leadership, he is refusing to step aside to allow the three month campaign of bitterness and recrimination that would make that happen.

Breaking up on Breentry

We were warned that Brexit would lead to chaos, that the Pound would fall, racism would rise, Scotland would go its own way and big business would pull out of the UK, taking thousands of jobs with them. So far, only events back up any of these conclusions, revealing Project Fear for what it was – exactly the kind of evidence-based analysis of cause and effect that the British people have had enough of.

The big risk now is making those dire predictions a self-fulfilling prophecy and we must act quickly to prevent that. All visible foreigners should be tattooed with a Union flag to ensure their loyalty;  Merkel needs to be informed in no uncertain terms that as bit-part players on the world stage, neither Germany nor the EU have any say in when, whether or how we choose to leave and the rebellious Picts and Gaels need a show of force. It is worth remembering that the majority of soldiers in the army are drawn from Scotland  and so will be assisted in their mission by a cultural affinity with local people.

The totalitarian project of European domination – begun by Hitler and today embodied by Frau Junker, Herr Merkel and Oberleutnant Sturgeon is faltering in the face of British pluck. Just like at Dunkirk, the siege of Singapore,the charge of the Light Brigade and the performance of our brave lions in Euro 2016, Brexit has demonstrated our national character to the world -nobody can have any doubt who we are as a people or what we are capable of when put to the test.






Old England’s Done

Who do you think you are kidding.pngWith Brexit, the UK takes its last, doddering steps off the world stage and into delusional senility

A Tale of Two Nations

In 1981, Salman Rushdie wrote of a ‘little empire’ within the UK. The British had, he argued, replaced control over external dominions with internal colonies made up of immigrants from its overseas possessions. In so doing, it deferred much of the psychological trauma that might otherwise have followed from its sudden loss of status.

Today, that little empire fell, as England decided that it had had enough of the world and withdrew into a rose-tinted delusion of village greens, cucumber sandwiches and giving those damn continentals what for.

The United Kingdom started as an imperialist enterprise. Ireland was brought into it by force, Scotland by the lure of the profit, particularly in the wake of its own failed attempt to set up trading posts in the Americas. When the profit motive was no longer there, it was only a matter of time before the concord between the peoples of these islands would begin to fray.

Scotland is as good as gone. Just two years ago 45 per cent of its population voted to leave the UK, despite a ferocious cross-party campaign of fear and intimidation. Today, with every single constituency returning a remain vote, it seems impossible to imagine that the 300 year old union between the two kingdoms of mainland Britain will last more than a couple of years.

The country split almost down the middle, with 52 per cent voting to leave and 48 per cent to stay in. Those who voted to leave were overwhelmingly English, provincial and old. Those who voted to stay in, young, multicultural and urbanised. They thought this was their country to shape for the future, but it was ancient grudges against Jaques Delors and a world view that was old-fashioned even in 1979 that carried the day.

Even Jeremy Clarkson voted in.

Bad politics, bad politicians

The tenor of the debate was atrocious. Both sides are guilty of patronising, fearmongering and failing to make a lucid case – in other words politics as usual. But the truth is, this could never have been about the intimate details of the EU charter, it could never have been a cold calculation of cost and benefit, because for the last 40 years our politics has been deliberately dumbed down and the field of acceptable debate narrowed to inconsequential issues.

The referendum itself only took place because David Cameron needed to promise Tory Eurosceptics something to stop them from bleeding to UKIP. The conversation, such as it was, was about sovereignty and immigration. The idea that we might ‘take back control’ was paramount, any ideas of what we might do when we have it, well, the point is we’ll have control and when we have control, control is what we’ll have. Did you know there are 500 EU regulations about pillows?

Many of the strongest arguments against Brexit – protection for workers, the ability for British citizens to work freely on the continent, the stability that comes from belonging to a large bloc – were all off the table because they are almost inevitably anti-Tory. There was much talk of the disenfranchised white working class, but with respect to their whiteness, not their working class identity. Such things are outside the lexicon of our Neo-Liberal consensus and impolitic in a country that did, after all, vote for this government twice.

And so it became about identity. It became about being able to say something, to matter, just once. And nobody made the point that this might not be the best time to rock the boat, nobody said that perhaps it was not Europe that was the source of our woes, but successive generations of British politicians who have pursued broadly the same social and economic policies, doing the same thing again and again in the hope of a different result.

Of course, there were many people who voted leave who were genuinely concerned that the bendiness of their bananas was being regulated or that the money spent on the EU could better be spent on the NHS. But these people did so well aware that the unintended but inevitable consequence of their decision would be the kind of chauvinistic nationalism that had Nigel Farage claiming victory ‘without a shot being fired.’

Even though a shot was fired and a brilliant passionate young MP, a wife and a mother was slain by a man who gave his name in court as ‘Death to Traitors, Freedom for Britain.’

A green and pleasant land

Perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps as a Muslim and the son of immigrants, I have a skewed perspective. Perhaps Europe, and people like my parents, hard-working decent people who’ve helped to drive the national economy are the problem.

Maybe all that needs to happen to #MakeBritainGreatAgain is for the drawbridges to be pulled up, the Poles politely asked to leave and the European working time directive  and those pesky human rights to be abolished . Or maybe not, we will find out soon enough.

Jo Cox’s death was horrific, but for me the most poignant moment of the campaign was hearing the TV next door turned on for an hour each night as my Romanian neighbour, a trader with one of the big banks, listened diligently to the back and forth that would decide her fate in this country.

She’s not part of the new Brexit Britain, and neither, I suspect, am I. But I’m sure that England can manage without us and without the hundreds of thousands who will either be forced to leave, or choose to do so having had it made to clear they are not welcome. And that doesn’t even count the young native British who will be wondering how on earth they are supposed to make their way in the world when so much of it has suddenly been cut off to them.

But as we move towards whatever happens next, into a world where an outdated notion of sovereignty matters more than a stable, viable country. It is hard not to see this as the culmination of the process Rushdie described, part of a vast historic arc that began in 1801 and to find it rather fitting that the nation that conquered the world has, in what surely must be its final act, conquered itself.